


This Is My Life

by jhunieilarde



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, diana fowley - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25646620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhunieilarde/pseuds/jhunieilarde
Summary: In which Scully had enough of Mulder and decided to take control of her own life without waiting for him to come to his senses...(during Diana Fowley era; decided to throw in John Doggett...got no idea where this is going but it's coming)
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, John Doggett/Dana Scully
Comments: 10
Kudos: 98





	1. New Assignment

In five years they’ve worked together, Scully has never felt so alone, so left out by her partner Mulder. She had gotten used to him running off by himself or ditching her here and there but to completely kept her in the dark about what’s going on and disregard her inputs is something new to her. She had presented him with something substantial in order to protect him from getting hurt and getting betrayed but he shoved it on her face, telling her to don’t make it personal. His words rang in her ears on a loop and each time, it stabbed her right on her chest.

Getting called by Skinner at his office and being told that her partner is going on an assignment without her but instead with Diana is a whole new level. He said the two had been working on something for two weeks. Two weeks he mentioned nothing to her about any case. It hurts so badly she could have fainted right there in his office but she controlled herself. It’s unprofessional to let her emotions get the better of her. If Mulder felt more at ease with Diana, then she should respect it even if he was the one who disrespected her by going behind her back.

“Are you going to be fine, Agent Scully?” Skinner asked sensing her disappointment.

“Yes, sir. I’m fine. I just wished Agent Mulder had told me first”, she answered.

Skinner nodded and sighed.

“I wished for the same thing. I hate being put to this kind of situation. Meanwhile, I have an assignment for you which is desperately in need of your medical expertise”, he said.

Something to do, something to keep her occupied…yes, anything!

“What is it, sir?” she asked.

“There is a case with VCU about a murdered teenager. You have worked enough case in X Files when it comes to serial killers. That and your medical background will be a big help in catching the killer”, he answered.

VCU…they don’t like X Files very much. In fact, they are the ones who constantly making fun of Mulder and her by association. 

“When will I start?” she asked again, keeping everything stoic.

“Today, Agent Scully, if you’re up to it”, Skinner answered.

“I’m up for it”, she confirmed.

“Good. Look for an Agent John Doggett. He will fill you in”, he then replied.

\---------------------------------

Scully marched to the basement to get her things. She needs to get out there as fast as she can to avoid seeing Mulder but she failed because Mulder is there sitting at his desk. ‘His’ desk.

“Scully, we need to talk”, he started.

He knew Skinner had already told her. Hell, he might even had him do the talking because he’s a coward.

“I don’t think there is anything to talk about, Agent Mulder”, she replied coldly as she grabbed her bag and coat.

“Scully, don’t do this. We’re not like this”, he sighed.

She stopped and turned to him.

“We’re not what, Mulder? Strangers? I thought we’re partners. For five years, I thought that’s what we are but apparently I was wrong”, she said.

“We are partners”, Mulder interjected.

“Partners don’t keep each other in the dark. Partners don’t go each other’s backs”, she snapped and it shut him up. “You taught me to trust no one. I learned that lesson over time and I still believe in that. That’s why I was looking out for you but you won’t have it because you’re blinded. Now, I have to find out from A.D. Skinner that my supposed partner is off to some case I have no clue about and that I was not included. Yeah, I guess that makes us partners”, she added.

Her voice is calm but her words are laced with venom which hits him hard.

“I was going to tell you. Diana presented it to me and I thought the lead is not going anywhere but it did and things started rolling from there. I had not had the time. I did not mean to keep you in the dark”, he explained.

No apology, only excuses…that’s all she heard in those sentences. 

“It’s your life, Mulder. It’s your decision. I told you I cannot help you anymore. Goodluck with your investigation”, she said coldly.

“Where are you going?” he asked when he saw her bag and coat with her.

“Upstairs…I’ve been assigned to a case with the VCU and I start today. Goodbye, Mulder”, she answered and left.

\-------------------------------

Heads turned to her when she walked at the VCU floor. No one expect to see Mrs. Spooky to be there and the fact that she’s been also labeled as the Ice Queen, her presence becomes a nice entertainment for everyone. She kept her head high and walked straight. She has a job to do and that’s what’s important.

“Are you Agent John Doggett?” she asked to the man sitting by the desk surrounded by files.

He looked up at her and put down the files he’s reading to get on his feet and offered his hand to her.

“Yes, that’s me”, he said.

Scully took his hand.

“Agent Dana Scully, I was assigned here by A.D. Skinner to assist you in a case”, she introduced herself.

Of course, Agent Doggett already knows who she is but he’s too polite to mention anything about the rumors around his unit.

“Yes, of course. Please have a seat”, he said.

He handed her a file so she can see for herself what the case is all about. Four teenagers dead, all got nothing in common except for the fact that they were all same age and straight A students. She studied the way they were injured and she can only affirm that only a monster is capable of inflicting such brutality. 

“If it’s too much for you, I can talk to A.D. Skinner”, Doggett offered.

“There’s no need. I had seen worse and cutting people’s bodies is my job, Agent Doggett. I am a medical doctor”, she said.

“Of course, I was just trying to be nice. Most cases here in VCU are quite disturbing”, he explained.

“I understand that, Agent Doggett, and I appreciate the gesture but please try to not treat me like a fragile glass. I am a lot tougher than I look”, she said.

He smiled because he can already sense that in her. 

“I wouldn’t doubt that for a minute. So, are you ready to start? We have a killer to catch”, he said with a renewed energy.

His enthusiasm is quite infectious and despite her lack of optimism these days, she found herself eager to work with him.

“Ready as I can be”, she answered.

\-----------------------------

The case is both intriguing and exhausting. It takes a lot of her to proceed from one body to another to do the autopsy. Of course, it’s unlike the cases she had with X Files in which she needs to look further than what’s presented in order to put an explanation to Mulder’s theories. Still, Scully would like to cover all the bases so she can have a clear view on the victims’ causes of death.

The wound patterns are different with each of the victim due to struggle and resistance. The obvious cause of death for all of them is the long, deep cut on their throats which the assailant made sure to be present in each girls but Scully found something else.

“Are you saying they did not die because of their sliced throats?” Doggett asked.

“No. The killer wants it to appear that way but it’s not. All of them died from strangulation. There’s the excessive lost of oxygen in their brains. The cuts weren’t deep enough to touch their throats but all of them suffered from fractured larynx. The killer really made sure that they’re all suffered before he ended their lives and mutilated them”, she answered.

Despite being disturbed and enraged by the new discovery, Doggett was impressed by Scully’s thoroughness. They wouldn’t have known that if she had not double checked the bodies. They spent time building a profile on their suspect until they were able to come up with a solid one. All victims came into contact with one person throughout their whole lives: a former professor at the local college. Alan Sawyer used to teach at the high school in town before he was employed at the local college. He had been, throughout time, advisor or teacher of the victims.

Scully and Doggett scoured his residence after they discovered his address. 

“Federal Agent! Stop right there”, Doggett declared when they saw Alan Sawyer.

They had made the arrest, conducted the interrogation and did the paperwork. Everyone had congratulated them for the good job done. They were even more surprised by Scully’s work. They clearly did not expect her to have the stomach for VCU cases but she had proven them wrong. She stood her ground, discovered the true cause of death of the victims and contributed on the suspect’s profile. 

“You’re still here”, Doggett said when he saw her sitting by herself while staring the victims’ files.

“They all had promising future”, she muttered which prompted Doggett to sit with her. “They were all good daughters, good students, hardworking. They got big dreams in life and suddenly, a horrid man who envied their potentials came into their lives and ended their journey so abruptly. He had cut off their chances in life”, she added.

“There are evil in the world, Agent Scully. That’s why we’re here, to put an end to them, to make sure they will not hurt anyone else and we did that. We may not be able to save those girls but we were able to give them justice and we put a stop to Sawyer before he was able to end more lives”, he said.

It is what appealed to Scully in the first place when she was offered a spot by the FBI. She knows medicine will allow her to save lives but being an FBI agent will allow her to prevent crimes. She can save more lives by catching bad guys who cause pain and evil in the world.

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right”, she agreed and closed the file.

Doggett smiled at her.

“You did a great job, Agent Scully. I wouldn’t be able to put together that profile if it was not for you”, he said.

“You’re selling yourself short, Agent Doggett”, she remarked.

“…and you’re being extremely humble”, he commented.

Scully smiled for the first time. He had not seen her smile since they met. At first, he realized why the others had called her the Ice Queen. She’s all business. Whenever he tried to strike a conversation with her, she turned it around back to work. Now, he discovered she’s not entirely frozen. She has a heart, a big heart, and she cares probably too much that she had to build a wall around her to prevent getting her heart break.

“It’s good working with you, Agent Scully. I know this is not your department and I know it may not be as thrilling as the X Files but if you’re free, I can always use your help”, he offered.

His intention is genuine. He truly needs her help. With her medical background, he found it easy to work on the case with her around. She’s approachable and professional. Plus, she has the stomach for it unlike his previous partners. He had heard about the X Files and the cases they took on. He had heard of the times Agent Scully was hospitalized because of them. Compared to the cases in VCU, X Files cases are probably more dangerous.

“I enjoyed working with you too, Agent Doggett. Thank you for taking into consideration my opinion and inputs. It means a lot”, she said.

“Why wouldn’t I take them into consideration? You know things I don’t. I don’t want to pretend to know otherwise. This is how partnership works. We listen to each other and watch each other’s backs. It may sound old-fashioned to you and maybe because it’s my background as a cop and marine talking but it always worked for me”, he explained.

She smiled again, the second time he had seen her do so.

“Yes. That’s how partnership should be. Well, if I was offered to help again, rest assured I will be more than happy to do so. Goodnight, Agent Doggett”, she replied.

“Goodnight, Agent Scully”, he said and let her go.


	2. Welcome to VCU

Kersh had been very happy to learn about Scully’s performance at the case with the VCU. He’s so pleased that he had drafted a transfer for her to the said unit. She sat in her office along with Skinner. In her five, almost six, years in the bureau, this is the first time she’s been offered of a promotion from the basement. She would be lying if she said she did not find working in VCU uninteresting. It was. The case was not as unique as the cases in the X Files but the intensity is still there.

“I know you’ve been with the X Files for almost six years now, Agent Scully, but your skills are very much needed with the VCU. You’ve got incredible review from your work in the last case. Agent Doggett gave you the highest commendation and it’s not easy to impress Agent Doggett. As you know, he’s a straight cop. You have impressed him. What is there to think about, Agent Scully?” Kersh asked.

There is not much, she wants to say, at least not anymore. 

“I appreciate the compliments and the commendation, sir. I do. I am flattered by the offer but it would be unprofessional of me to decide now without letting my partner know about this. He would be affected too by this. I believe he’s still on assignment and I would like to wait for him to return so I can discuss it with him”, she answered.

Kersh turned to Skinner who cleared his throat. It caught Scully’s attention and looked at her other boss.

“Agent Mulder has already returned”, Skinner said.

“When?” she asked.

She would surely know…right?

“Last Monday”, he answered.

Of course, why would she expect him to tell her that he’s back? He did not bother telling her about the case he’s working on in the first place. She would like to think that he held her in the same way she does with him but he’s been proving her wrong and it’s getting sickening.

“Oh…”, she only managed to utter.

“Well, I guess you don’t have to wait much longer. I’ll give you twenty-four hours to decide. I expect you to make the right one by tomorrow”, Kersh said.

\------------------------------

Mulder is not at their office at the basement. His office, she reminded herself. There is only one place left to look. She drove to his apartment and found his car outside. He’s home. She is still mad at him for keeping her in the dark about the case but she’s not going to do the same to him by going behind his back about Kersh’s offer of promotion to her. He has the right to know. She knocked on the door and waited for him to answer.

He opened the door with a surprised look on his face. He is only wearing his sweatpants. His bare chest is flaunted to her eyes but it did not interest her. No. Her mind caught up something else. He’s not alone. She knows that because she can see a pair of heels on his living room floor.

“Scully, I did not expect to see you here”, he muttered.

“I bet”, she snapped rather coldly.

“What’s up?” he asked.

He did not ask her to come inside when he usually does. He wouldn’t because there’s someone else inside.

“I was told you got back last Monday. How the case went?” she asked instead to keep it formal.

“…not good. We still got some lead to follow though. Actually, I would like to discuss it with you”, he answered.

She found herself uninterested with anything he’s saying. She lost her appetite, of sorts.

“Kersh offered me a transfer to VCU”, it stopped him from moving, even breathing, “It appears that I impressed a lot of people and they want me there. They said that they could use my expertise in VCU”, she added.

“VCU? You’re assigned to the X Files. What did you tell him?” he asked.

“I told him that it would be unprofessional of me if I did not let you know first about it. Partners don’t keep each in the dark about things so I came here to tell you that. I got twenty-four hours to decide”, she answered.

He swallowed.

“There is nothing to decide. You’re staying”, he assumed but her silence told him something else. “Right?” he asked.

She wanted to but the pain in her chest reminds her of how he has treated her lately. 

“I came here to tell you that I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and I genuinely hope that you will find the truth you’re looking for”, she said.

His heart sunk. He really did hope she won’t accept it.

“Scully…what about the X Files? What about us?” he asked again.

She raised an eyebrow.

“What us, Mulder? I don’t know what has become of us anymore. You don’t need me, Mulder. You have showed me that and you managed to survive without me questioning everything you do. It is how you like to work and now you got a partner who thinks the same way you do. I don’t have a place in the X Files anymore and I cannot put my life on hold waiting for you to make room for me. I have to move on and try to get my life somewhere”, she answered.

He wants to tell her that she’s his partner but how is he going to tell her that when he just got back from an assignment he forgot to tell her about the case he’s working on and went to investigate with Diana and not her? He has not been a decent partner to her, not lately. He has treated her unfairly and had dismissed her input without bothering to fully listen to her. He’s now realizing it with her telling her she’s transferring away from him. He’s losing her and there’s nothing he can say to make her stay.

“I’m sorry, Scully”, it’s all he can say.

“Goodluck with everything, Mulder”, she said and left.

\-------------------------------

Agent Doggett greeted Scully on her first day as part of VCU. He had introduced her to his pals who were more than willing to talk to her. They all feel in awe talking to the famous Ice Queen of the Hoover Building. She ignored the side comments towards Mulder and the X Files and she appreciates how Agent Doggett shielded her from their remarks. Kersh had assigned her as Agent Doggett’s new partner. She felt relieved. She wouldn’t know what to do if she has been assigned to someone else. 

“Here you go”, Doggett said pointing towards a desk across from his.

She saw her name on it. The table is still bare but it’s all set up and the chair looks comfy.

“This is for me?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yeah…well, you’re a doctor so I figured you like to have a space of your own to work and do your research and other doctor stuff. I am still waiting for the computer to be brought here so sorry about that but I will call them again. I promise. Oh, and I don’t know if you want glass on your desk or not so I will leave it up to you how you want it. Just let me know so I can request it for you”, he answered without a pause.

Scully blinked away the tears which confused Doggett.

“You did not like it?” he asked in concern.

He thought maybe he overstepped, and it became too much for her. After all, it’s her first day. He does not want to overwhelm her.

“No. I like it a lot actually”, she answered while holding back her tears.

“Well, you don’t look too happy about it”, he commented.

“It’s just that, I spent almost six years at the X Files and I never gotten my own desk. I even asked for it once and it did not happen. Now, you got me my own desk on my first day. I guess, I just did not expect it and I am touched. Thanks”, she explained.

Doggett blinked confusingly.

“Agent Mulder did not get you your own desk?” she shook her head. “Well, where did you work then?” he asked.

“At his desk…it’s not as bad as it sounds. Actually, I did not notice about it for years. We worked closely on cases and I got used to sharing his desk”, she answered.

He got something else to say about that but he chose not to. When it comes to her former partner, he is careful. He does not want to cross the line she does not want him to cross.

“Well, you got your own now and you’re free to put whatever you want on it. Decorate it. Load it with medical stuff, your call. Call it your personal zone and it’s close enough to my area so we can call each other’s attention without going a mile”, he said with a smile on his face.

It is contagious enough that it put smile on her face as well. She’s deeply moved by his considerate nature. She honestly did not expect to get an area of her own at the VCU since she’s new. She thought she would be sharing with Doggett and she would use the bullpen to do her reports. For the first time in years, she got a spot she can call her own. It even has her name on it.

“Thank you, Agent Doggett”, she said.

“You can call me John. I wouldn’t mind. We’re partners and it feels calling me Agent Doggett too formal and distant”, he suggested.

“In that case, you can call me Dana, John”, she replied.

\---------------------------

It has been relatively easy transition for her being assigned as Agent Doggett’s partner. He made it easy for her. He values her opinion. He lets her follow her hunches. He respects her expertise and takes her arguments into consideration without dismissing them completely or belittling her knowledge. In other words, she felt valued. Three weeks had passed, and Scully felt at home in VCU. The cases are disturbing and shows the evil side of human nature but it’s what she set out for when she accepted the bureau’s offer. She wants to make a difference this way and she’s doing it.

She has not been in contact with Mulder the past few weeks. She has not even seen him in the building. She did not dare going down the basement because she is avoiding anything that might hurt her feelings. He has a new partner now and she’s perfect for him. Of course, Scully still does not trust her but it does not matter to Mulder anyway. He trusts her so she will let them be. She got her own life to worry about.

“Are you alright, Dana?” Doggett asked late at night in their office.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” she answered then asked him back.

“You look pale…paler than usual. Have you eaten lunch earlier?” he answered.

She feels like he’s her older brother or something although he’s gentler than Bill and more thoughtful. 

“I did but not much. Maybe it’s just exhaustion. I’ll have to sleep it off and tomorrow I’ll be fine”, she answered.

“You’re the doctor. You’re okay to drive?” he asked and she nodded. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow. I was told we got an early meeting upstairs”, he said.

“Goodnight, John”, she said.

“Goodnight, Dana”, he replied and left.

She’s packing up her things when a drop of red liquid landed on top of her desk. It halted her movements and she watched as another one dropped. Her hand flew to her nose and looked at it. She’s bleeding again. Her heart pounded in her chest. This can’t be happening, she thought. It’s over. She’s cured. She grabbed a handful of tissue from her desk and went to the ladies’ room right away. She does look pale just like what Doggett had said and her nose had been bleeding quite a lot. She knew what it could mean but she does not want to jump in any conclusion before checking. So, she cleaned up her nose and fixed herself before coming out of the room.

Scully ignored the splitting headache she’s having while driving home. It is dangerous but she badly needs to be home right now. She can book an appointment for tomorrow with her doctor but right now, she needs an aspirin and a good night sleep.

“John, it’s me…yes, I’m fine. Listen, I maybe running late tomorrow for the meeting. I got an appointment with my doctor and I can’t miss it. I will be there as soon as I can. Thank you”, she said when she called Doggett after she arrived home.

No jumping to conclusion until she got some answers but her head is already telling her otherwise. She better start preparing herself for the worse.


	3. Recurrence

Scully waited at the examination room for her doctor. As the clock ticks, her mind is racing to tons of horrible scenarios. Of course, cancer can recur. It happens to some of the patients and it’s not supernatural. It is medical. The thing is the cause of her cancer is quite supernatural in a sense as well as her cure. When her doctor came in the room to deliver the news, she already guessed it from the look on her face. Her cancer has returned and her days are numbered… _again_.

The meeting was over by the time she arrived at the office. She should have called Doggett to tell him she was not coming at all. After getting the news, she took her time to walk for a moment to clear her head. She barely escaped death the last time she faced cancer and now, the cure that was at the back of her neck has failed. This time, she’s certain that there’s no escaping it. Her fate is sealed. She is dying and there’s no stopping it.

“Hey, how’s the doctor appointment went?” Doggett asked when he saw her at her desk.

Her first instinct is to tell him that she’s fine. She does not want to appear weak in front of her new partner but it wouldn’t be fair to him. He’s always been so open and honest. She must tell him the truth. Besides, she’s dying. He deserves to know that his new partner will not be equipped to work soon and he will have to find new partner.

“It went fine…just low blood pressure and all”, she lied instead.

Why is it so hard for her to just admit it? She’s dying and there’s nothing she can do to stop it. Lying about it will not prolong her life but when she saw the smile on his face, the relief to know that she’s fine, she couldn’t take it back.

“That’s great but you should eat more. Low blood pressure is not a joke”, she nodded, “…anyway, about the meeting, you did not miss much. It was just budget allocation and statistics. I covered for you so it’s all good”, he informed her.

He then went on telling her about their new case. It was like the other cases they had, murder case. At this point, she already got the hang of working at the VCU. It’s not boring but she did fall into routine. She knows what to expect unlike working at the X Files. Every case is unique on its own and the explanations, if there’s any rational ones, are very remarkable.

She and Doggett flew to Denver to start hunting for the killer. It was quite intense and during the arrest, it’s been a close call for them. Nevertheless, they arrested their guy and brought him to prison. It felt good nonetheless. It’s the most fruitful thing out of their work. That feeling of being able to provide justice for the victims and prevent more innocent lives from dying. Isn’t it the essence of being a law enforcement officer? It is what she has signed up for in the first place.

They are inside their rented car on their way to the airport when Doggett noticed something about her. She’s quieter than usual and he could swear that her paleness got nothing to do with any makeup powder girls like to put on their faces.

“Dana”, he called.

“Yeah?” she turned to him.

“What did your doctor really say to you when you went there for checkup few days ago?” he asked in a very concern tone.

She got alarmed. She’s pretty sure she’s hiding it pretty well but he is quite observant. She should have known better. Doggett seems to have a sixth sense or something. It is no surprise if he is noticing it now.

“Can we talk about this when we get back to D.C.?” she requested as a way to delay the inevitable.

“Sure. I just hope you know that whatever it is, you can talk to me and I will not judge. I will just listen. My ears are all yours anytime”, he said.

Then, a red drop of liquid landed on her beige pants. Her nosebleeds do have a very good sense of timing to make an appearance. She quickly pinched her nose hoping he did not see it but he did and panic sets in Doggett.

“Dana, are you okay?” he asked urgently.

She saw a gas station coming their way.

“Pull over there”, she demanded.

When he did, she quickly grabbed the tissue from her bag and went out the car to go to the bathroom while Doggett waited in the car, confused by what just happened. That was a nosebleed and by the looks of it, it was a lot. He is no doctor but it is not normal to have that kind of nosebleed especially in the kind of weather they currently have. By the time Scully returned to the car, her face is makeup free after she splashed cold water onto her face and now, she looks even paler than before.

“Dana, I don’t think I can wait until we reached D.C.” he muttered.

She figures that much. He truly deserves to know and once she tells him the truth, her life as an FBI agent will be over too.

“John, I don’t know if you checked my file or not—”

“No, I did not. I have no business to check your file”, he cut in.

“Thank you…well, I had cancer almost two years ago. It was a nasopharyngeal tumor and after months into it, I went into remission. It was by any chance a miracle. Few days ago, I started feeling sick again and the nosebleeds started again, so I decided to go see my doctor. She said that my cancer came back. It’s called a recurrence. It happens and it is happening to me”,

“What are the treatments? I can go with you to your appointments and you will not have to worry about work because I can cover for you”, he asked.

“John, there are no treatments. The tumor I have is inoperable. The placement of it is just impossible to the extreme and I tried treatments before and they did not work”, she answered.

She saw a frown formed on his forehead.

“Then how did you go into remission the last time? Some of those treatments must have work. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be cured”, he asked in confusion.

Doggett is a nice guy, the best partner everyone can ask for but he’s not as open-minded as she is. They’re both skeptics to supernatural but he’s even more skeptic than her. He’s an old-fashion cop. He believes in evidence, facts, data and not on hunches, theories, and folk stories. That’s why she hesitates on telling him about the implant but since she’s pouring truths to him, she might as well lay it all out.

“You will not probably believe this but…” her hand went at the back of her neck, “…there is an implant, a chip, at the back of my neck. I was abducted years ago and I discovered that I got it when I was returned. I had it removed and then somehow, I got cancer. Agent Mulder insisted that I have to put it back and since none of the treatments were working, I gave it a try. Within 48 hours, my cancer went into remission. I know you don’t believe in the X Files, John, but I am a walking proof that some of it is true”, she answered.

It is true that he does not believe the little green men and the supernatural stories surrounding X Files but he trusts Scully’s medical expertise and if she says that the implant in her neck is what saves her, he believes it. She’s a doctor and she believe it.

“Alright, I believe you, Dana, I do. What happened to the implant now? Why did your cancer return?” he asked again.

“That I don’t know, John. It could be number of reasons. Maybe the implant failed, stopped working, or just temporary but the fact is, I am dying again. I wanted to hide it as long as I could because I still want to be able to do what I do now but things are escalating pretty quickly than the last time. Soon, I will be a hindrance to your work. You deserve to know the truth”, she answered.

He put his hand on top of hers and gave it a squeeze.

“I’m so sorry, Dana. We can’t give up yet. For all we know, there could be another implant out there. I will find it for you. I can ask Agent Mulder where—”

“Don’t”, he stopped talking, “I don’t want him to know. Please, John. I don’t want you to tell Agent Mulder about this. He got his own life to think about and I just don’t want him to know…please”, she cut him off.

He does not understand why or what happened between the two of them but the desperation on her face tells him how much she wants him to keep his mouth shut so he nodded.

“Alright, I promise”, he agreed.

\----------------------------------

Doggett had kept his word and not let anyone know about Scully’s health. He always does his best to assist her and cover for her when she’s too sick to go to briefings or meetings. He protects her during cases and does not let her exhaust herself. He also became her nutritionist. In fact, he did an extensive research about her condition and took it upon himself to be his personal nurse. He cooks her meals and even do the grocery run for her. At first, she protested about him coddling her but soon, she yielded. She needed the help and it felt nice to have someone who cares without putting their own interest in her life. She knows that if Mulder knows about it, he will care too but he will also blame himself for what’s happening and he will be drowning in guilt. The pain will be doubled for her to face her own demise and see him fall apart like that so it would be better not to let him know.

At the cafeteria that she rarely visit, she insisted that she wanted to have that protein bar at the vending machine. Doggett groaned at the idea but he said yes to it on the condition that it’s just once. He tagged along with her so he can get himself a cup of coffee too.

“Scully”,

She does not need to turn around to know who it was. She knows the sound of his voice from a mile. She took a deep breath and faced him.

“Agent Mulder”, she greeted.

She saw him flinched at the coldness and the formality of her greeting.

“I, uh…can we talk? There’s something I want to tell you”, he asked.

It is about the time Doggett came back with his coffee.

“Dana, did you get your protein bar?” he then noticed Mulder, “Oh, sorry to interrupt. You must be Agent Mulder. I’m Agent Doggett, Dana’s partner at VCU. Pleasure to meet you”, he offered his hand which Mulder took.

“Pleasure to meet you. I hope she does not give you a lot of trouble”, Mulder forced a joke but she knows him better.

Doggett chuckled.

“Oh, she’s a life saver. Honestly, we wouldn’t be able to solve those cases without her. She’s an amazing agent and doctor”, he responded.

She couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. She heard Mulder seconded that but his words went muffled to her ears. She suddenly felt lightheaded that she grabbed Doggett’s arm for balance. Doggett took that as cue and bid Mulder goodbye and made up some excuse regarding work before he strings Scully along.

“Thank you”, she whispered.

“No problem. Let’s get you home”, he replied.

\---------------------------------

At Scully’s apartment, Doggett couldn’t do anything other than to hold her hair back as she poured her stomach’s contents into the toilet bowl. When she was done, droplets of blood stained her bowl, her toilet floor, then the sink.

“Damn it”, she cursed when she saw the mess before pinching her nose to stop the bleeding.

Doggett was quick to get the towel and cleaned the blood on the floor himself so she wouldn’t have to afterwards. He then moved on to the toilet bowl before he checks on her.

“How is it?” he asked.

“It’s a lot than this morning but it stopped now”, she answered.

She does not feel like lying to him anymore. She wouldn’t have survived the last few weeks without him by her side. When she glanced over the tiles, they’re already cleaned.

“Scrubbing floors does not suit you, doc. Come on, I’ll make you some tea”, he said to answer the question in her mind.

Instead of following him outside, she impulsively pulled him down to press her lips on his which took the man by surprise. He tried to push her gently but she insisted and used her tongue until he allowed her entry and he responded.


	4. Resignation

The kiss is better than she anticipated. She does not know exactly what came over her but she’s dying. She’s been feeling like a person dying and she wanted to feel alive again. Seeing Mulder earlier reminded her of a life she used to have that she can never taste again no matter how much she wants to. Even if by some miracle Mulder chose her and she’s to be put back to the X Files, she cannot last anymore to help him search for his truth, her truth. She’s going to die sooner than she likes and Mulder is never going to choose her over Diana.

Doggett has been by her side since she was assigned as his partner and for that, she’s incredibly grateful. He’s caring, protective without going over the edge, understanding, and she feels safe being around him. If there’s anyone else other than Mulder she can trust to make her feel alive again, it’s him. She knows it’s probably not fair for Doggett to be used like this but she’s desperate. She just wants to feel life again even just for a little while.

She can feel his hard member poking her stomach but he’s also holding back, always a gentleman. She guided his hand over her breast to encourage him and he broke the kiss.

“Dana, what are you doing?” he whispered.

His voice is filled with lust and desire. There’s no denying it. His eyes are dilated but he got so much self-control than her.

“Please…”

“I know this is not easy but don’t do something you’ll regret later on. I don’t want you to regret this”, he explained.

“No one knows better than me how hard this is and all I want is to feel alive again, John. I don’t want to feel like dying even just for a moment. Can’t you give it to me, please? I just want to feel alive again”, she insisted as tears formed in her eyes.

Doggett debated in his head. Of course, she is a very attractive woman and he admires pretty much everything about her. He respects her so much. He would also be lying if he says he does not think about her at night or that it did not devastate him to find out about her cancer. It felt wrong to take her like this but he felt weak on her request. He can only hold back for some time but the longing in her eyes melts his heart. He wants to make it easier for her, to give her the best of life for as long as he can. Will it still be counted as taking advantage of a dying woman if that’s all he wants?

“Oh Dana…” he leaned down and kissed her again but much gentler than earlier.

She melts at his gentleness. There is no rush with how he touched her. When he scooped her up and carried her to her bedroom, she almost felt like a princess. She watched him undress and everything is so graceful and masculine at the same time. He looks gorgeous too. She can feel the fire burning inside her and she relishes the feeling. It feels nice to have that feeling inside her again after feeling so cold and empty since she found out about her cancer coming back. This is working.

He then proceeds to undressing her before he worshipped every inch of her. He paid close attention to her throbbing center that had her writhing on her bed. She can tell that he’s also skilled with his tongue and fingers. He knows how to make her feel good without losing the gentleness in his touch.

“Shit…I’m close…” she moaned.

When he hummed in approval, it pushed her over the edge that her crying out his name. The orgasm hit her hard. It’s like she’s being set on fire. She’s been cold for weeks and Doggett just lit up the spark and fanned it.

“Oh god…you’re so beautiful”, he muttered as he watched her fall apart.

She’s already pulling him down on her and he knows what she wants. He entered her slowly, not wanting to hurt her.

“You’re not going to break me, John. Fuck me”, she whispered in his ear.

It made him growl as his thrusts became harder and frantic. This feels better than what he imagined every night before he falls asleep. Her moans became louder and louder. Her nails are digging on his back.

“Tell me what you want, Dana”, he said.

He wants to please her, to give her everything she needs.

“More. Harder”, she answered.

His hand gripped her waist tighter to the point of bruising and she gasped. He discovered that she likes it really rough which is a shock but who is he to judge?

Doggett hit her ass her moan turned into scream. She’s dripping around him. He dove into her neck and sucked her pulse point. She’s being overwhelmed by extreme sensation and she felt the building in her core again.

“You’re going to make me come again, John…Jesus!” she cried.

He put a hand between their bodies and pressed her clit that got her screaming again.

“Oh fuck…” he groaned and finally came along with her.

They stayed together for a few minutes, allowing themselves to come down from the high of their orgasms before Doggett got up and went to the bathroom. He came back with a warm towel and gently cleaned Scully before cleaning himself up inside the bathroom.

When he returned, he found Scully crying on the bed which alarmed him.

“What happened?” he asked and rushed to her side and cradled her in his arms.

“Nothing…I guess that’s just about it”, she let out a chuckle, “Nothing is ever going to happen to me again, John. I am going to die”, she answered.

The reality of her situation dawned on her. As much as she wants to continue her work, she can’t. She’ll only end up endangering Doggett’s life while on the field. He’ll worry about her rather than the case and that is going to get him killed.

“I’m here, Dana. You’re not going to go through this alone”, he muttered.

She knows that.

“John, I’m going to talk to Skinner about this, about my cancer. I have to accept that I can’t continue doing my job anymore like this. It’s the responsible thing to do”, she said.

It pains Doggett to know that she will not be able to do the thing she loves but he knows the rules. He understood.

“You’re not going alone”, he simply replied.

\-----------------------------------

The next day at Skinner’s office, Doggett and Scully arrived to have a talk with their boss. Skinner had the door locked for privacy and they all sat down.

“So, what is this about? It sounded urgent on the phone”, he asked.

Doggett turned to Scully.

“There is no better way to put this so I’m going to be blunt”, Skinner held his breath. He knows too well when she used that tone, it’s gravely serious. “My cancer came back, sir, and it’s more aggressive than before”, she answered.

The man’s jaw almost hit the floor. He can still remember the last time she was sick. He was the one who rushed her into the hospital when she collapsed during the hearing. He saw her on her deathbed. He also saw Mulder lost control of himself while desperately trying to find anything to cure her. He was there when her family and Mulder almost jumped in joy when she went in remission.

“I don’t understand. I thought the implant—” he paused and looked at Doggett who only nodded at him telling that he knows about it too, “I thought the implant is supposed to cure you”, he argued.

“I thought so too but I don’t think it’s meant to be permanent, sir. All I know is that it’s back and I am dying…rapidly. I came here telling you this because it’s my responsibility to know my limitations when it comes to doing my job and as much as I want to keep doing what I do, this illness won’t allow me and I refuse to be the cause of lives being lost because of me”, she handed him an envelope, “I want to personally hand you my resignation letter and thank you for everything you’ve done for me, sir, both on professional and personal level”, she responded.

Skinner browsed her resignation letter and he felt like crying. This can’t be the end of it, right? The way she talk makes it sound so final. It’s odd to hear her talk like that. The Agent Scully he knows always thrives in finding solutions, another way for solution. How many times did he butt heads with her because she’s so stubborn to find a way to save Mulder’s life. On that note…

Mulder…

“Have you told Agent Mulder about this development?” he found himself asking.

They both saw her tensed.

“No, sir, and I don’t think that he should know about it”, Skinner frowned, “I am no longer connected with the X Files. Therefore, my health is no longer Agent Mulder’s concern. I wouldn’t want to burden him with it. He got his own life and work to do and I would like him to keep on doing it to the best of his ability”, she answered.

In Skinner’s self-developed dictionary of Scully and Mulder’s words, she meant she does not want to worry Mulder about her cancer and make him feel guilty and responsible for it again.

He rubbed his forehead as he stares at the resignation letter on his hand. He couldn’t believe this is happening.

“I can’t believe this is how this would end, Dana”, she knows Skinner only calls her like that when he’s really serious and this is one, “There has to be a way…another chip…”

She smiled sadly.

“Even if there is, Walter, I don’t think I have the strength and time to search for it. I would rather spend my remaining time in this world with my family”, she cut him off.

Doggett watched the exchange. He can tell how deep their relationship goes, not just by their first name basis of addressing each other but the concern in both their eyes.

“You won’t have to search for it. I’ll do it”, Skinner said.

“Walter…”

“No. I will grant you your resignation and you can spend time with your family but it does not mean I will give up on you. You gave so much of yourself to your work. You saved my life more times than I can count. Let me return the favor, please”, he insisted.

She sighed. She knows there’s no stopping Skinner once he sets his mind to it. He’s much like Mulder in that regard. Maybe that’s why he’s so tolerant of them. He understood their drive.

“If that’s what you want to do, I don’t think I can stop you”, she muttered.

They’re about to leave when Skinner asked Doggett to stay. Scully left them to talk.

“How long have you known about this, Agent Doggett?” Skinner asked in a more serious tone.

“…about a few weeks ago. Agent Scully tried to keep it from me but when she started having nosebleed, she was forced to tell me everything but made me swore not to tell anyone”, he answered.

That sounds like Scully.

“Look, I know you care about her too. I can see it as plain as day. I meant what I said to her. I am not going to give up on her and while I do that, I need you to keep an eye on her and update me about her health so I know if we have more time”, Skinner instructed.

“Are you going to tell Agent Mulder?” Doggett asked.

“Let me worry about finding a cure for Scully. Can I count on you to watch over her?” Skinner asked him back.

“Yes, sir”, Doggett answered.

Skinner then dismissed him as well. He waited until he’s out the door before picking up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

“Agent Mulder, we need to talk”,

He paused.

“No. It’s about Agent Scully. Meet me at the parking lot”, he said on the phone.


	5. Set The Meeting

Mulder’s knees almost gave out when Skinner relayed everything Scully had told him. He knows her wishes about not telling Mulder about her cancer but this is a desperate time and it calls for desperate measure. He knows no one else that can help him find another chip for Scully other than Mulder. The guy has been deep in the world of conspiracies and alien hunting more than him. If Mulder was able to find the first chip, they can do it again with faster pace.

“Where is she now?” Mulder silently asked.

Skinner arched his eyebrow.

“She does not want you to know, Mulder, and I just disregard her wish to keep it from you. I should be worried that she’s going to shoot me ill or not. Do you really want her to worry about both her health and how you’re going to handle this news?” he asked him back.

Mulder met his gaze. He knows his boss has a point. He’s not that great in crisis like this, especially when it’s about Scully. History has proven that. When she went missing for three months, he threw himself obsessively at work, slept with a stranger, drowned himself in liquor, and worsened his insomnia. When she first got sick of cancer, well…he bargained with a devil. He’s certain that Scully excluded him this time around because she knows he will do everything in his power to save her, things she does not approve of.

“This Agent Doggett, is he keeping an eye on her?” he asked instead.

“Yes. He’s the only one who knows other than us in this building. Right now, I think she’s with her family. Mulder, she does not have much time so if you have any ideas where to start, I am all ears. We cannot lose her this way, not after everything she went through”, Skinner answered.

Mulder sighed and buried his face on his hands. The idea of losing Scully in a permanent manner scares the shit out of him and it’s about to happen again. He’s not going to let that happen, not if he can help it, and he knows a way to get her what she needs to save her life. No matter what it cost.

“I need you to set up a meeting”, he muttered.

Skinner tensed. He knows that if Mulder resorts to that, there’s no other way.

“Is it the only way, Mulder? You know once you make a deal with him, you’re forever indebted to that man”, he asked.

That made Mulder chuckle.

“I will not be indebted to him, Skinner. It’s going to be a trade. There’s something he wants from me, something he desperately needs that he bothered sending Diana back here in the bureau to drive a wedge between me and Scully to get it. I should have listened to Scully when she warned me about Diana’s true intention but as you know, I’m an idiot. I did not listen to Scully and I drove her away from me, our partnership, our work. I found out later that everything she said was true. Diana works with the Smoking Man. Imagine if I have only listened to her then, maybe we could have found out about her cancer sooner and it wouldn’t have gotten worse. This meeting with the Smoking Man will just be quid pro quo”, Mulder answered.

Diana vanished without a trace after a supposed mission she and Mulder went few weeks ago. Skinner pressed Mulder about Diana’s whereabouts but he only responded that she fled just like the last time. Now he knows why. Mulder had found her out and she ran or the Syndicate has killed her for failing to complete her task, whatever that was.

“Okay, on one condition: tell me what the Smoking Man wants from you so badly that he’ll be willing to help Scully”, he proposed.

It has to be big. Smoking Man does not just help anyone without gaining something. Mulder gave him a sad smile before pointing towards his head.

“He wants what I have, a small piece of my brain where a remnant of dormant alien particle resides. That’s all”, Skinner is now more worried than ever. “Don’t worry about me, Skinman. I can handle a simple surgery. It’s going to be fine. Just set up the meeting and we can save Scully”, Mulder replied.

\-----------------------------------

Skinner stood by the door of his own office as Smoking Man and Mulder talked it out. He wants nothing more than to get his gun, point it on the chain-smoking bastard, and empty it on his body but not right now, not when Scully’s life is at stake. Mulder told him he couldn’t think of any other way to get her that chip. The first time, it was also the Smoking Man who led Mulder to the chip that saved her life. He’s certain that he got stock.

“So, the cancer has returned. How unfortunate…” the Smoking Man muttered and exhaled a cloud of smoke.

Suddenly, the air in the room has become toxic for so many reasons.

“I doubt that it’s a surprise to you considering your many eyes on us”, Mulder spat.

“Oh, Agent Mulder…you’re adapting very well into this game. I am impressed. You figured out Diana’s betrayal sooner than I’d hoped. You delayed my plans at a very expensive cost”, the old man reacted.

They don’t know whether he’s amused, impressed, or annoyed.

“You did it, didn’t you? You caused this, the cancer…again”, Smoking Man did not answer, “I resisted and denied you what you wanted so you went after Scully. How did you do it?” Mulder asked.

Skinner straightened himself up and silently wished it’s not true because he’s so close to actually shooting the guy.

“I never wanted to hurt, Agent Scully. As you very well know, I am fond of her brilliant mind and strong will. Why would I want to eradicate that? No, it was not me”,

“Then, tell me who…” Mulder urges.

“…and what will you do, Fox? March into some secret hideout and go on killing spree? Do you have the luxury of time to do that? See, my plan is only to divide the both of you so I could get what I need without putting Agent Scully in the middle of it. I thought you would be pleased with my initiative to keep her out of harm’s way but my plan failed when you discovered my double agent and drove her away. The Syndicate discovered it and they thought you needed a little push, a motivation to be more cooperative. They have managed to hijack her current implant, not to make her sick, but to control her like a programmed robot”,

“…to do what?” Skinner cut in.

“What else? She’s a medical doctor. She can do the surgery on Mulder herself and he would be powerless to resist her because he cares about her. Would Mulder go as far as hurting Agent Scully to keep that alien part in his brain?” the answer is no. Mulder knows that much. “The thing is, Agent Scully is more resilient than we thought. They tried to activate the implant’s signal and hijacked her consciousness but somehow, she resisted and fought subconsciously. The whole plan failed and it resulted to the implant failing its number one purpose: keep her alive. The chip malfunctioned and now, her cancer is back”, Smoking Man answered.

They were trying to make a robot out of her and she prevailed in the battle for her free will without knowing about it.

“I am guessing you want a piece of my brain now, right? Fine. I’ll do it. All I ask in return is another chip to save her life”, Mulder said.

The pleading in his voice is so evident, even Skinner had heard it. They all know he’s desperate.

“Oh Fox…I did not come here to collect your brain. I may have needed it back then but after your refusal, I improvised and found a way to extend my life. Nevertheless, I came here upon your request, knowing what you want from me”, he pulled a metal vial from his pocket and tossed it onto Mulder. “Be careful with that one. That implant does not come from the stock the Syndicate has so it’s not linked to their…special system. Agent Scully should be safe from this kind of incident in the future”, Smoking Man responded.

Both Skinner and Mulder frowned at the old man.

“Why are you helping us?” Skinner asked.

The Smoking Man smiled and put out his cigarette.

“…like I said, I am rather fond of our medical doctor. It would be a shame to let her die just like that when she can have so much more in life. Consider it a gift. You may tell her anything you want with regards on the implant’s procurement but do remember this day, few years from now. I helped you keep the most important person in your life, Mulder”, he answered before leaving the office leaving the two men completely baffled.

\------------------------------------

Scully is in her mother’s house when Skinner had called. It has not even been 24 hours since she told him about her illness and handed her resignation. She went straight to her mother’s house but couldn’t bring herself to tell her yet that she’s dying once again although she knows her mother can sense that something is wrong.

“Where are you going, Dana?” Maggie asked.

“A.D. Skinner called. He needs me in the office but I’ll be back”, she lied, well…it’s partly true.

“Be careful, Dana”, her mother said before she closed the door.

Doggett is already waiting for her by the car.

“I am guessing Skinner called you to pick me up?” she asked and he opened the door for her, “Yup”,

Once on the road, her few hours of bliss with her mother ended. She can feel again the severity of her situation, her limited time on earth.

“John…we haven’t talked about—”

“It’s alright, Dana. I know what it’s all about. I would like to think more of it but I am not blind and I don’t like forcing people to feel what they’re not feeling”, she frowned at him, “When A.D. Skinner mentioned Mulder’s name earlier, you tensed. For a time that we’re working together, I haven’t seen you looked like that. Just the mention of his name brings out a certain light on you, a certain fire. It’s so rare and I wish that I am the reason behind that light, that fire but I am not. Don’t worry though…I don’t hold it against you”, he cut her off before flashing her a smile.

She sighed but smiled back. The man is too good to be true. She wished that when she’s gone, he’ll be able to find someone who deserves him.

“Any ideas why Skinner wants to see us?” she asked, changing the subject.

“I got no clue but he sounded in a rush on the phone so I figured it’s emergency”, he answered.

\-----------------------------------

They were told to meet them at the lab and not his office which made the both of them anxious. Why the lab? Skinner never goes to the lab. When they arrived there, they finally understood why.

Mulder is standing next to Skinner.

Scully stopped by the door with a deer caught in the headlights look on her face.

“You told him…” is her first reaction to seeing him there.

“You can kick my ass later after we replace that implant in your neck”, Skinner responded.

Her eyes landed on the metal vial on the table before meeting Mulder’s.

“Mulder…what did you do?” she asked.

She knows he has a habit of acting recklessly if push comes to shove. She had heard what he did the last time. She cannot imagine what this one might have cost him.

“Nothing much really…Skinman here helped me raid DOD’s basement. Gunmen served as our eyes. Quite an easy peasy…” he lied.

Doggett can see the lie but he kept it shut. There must be a reason why he’s lying to her now.

“Mulder, you can’t do stuff like that. Do you want to be arrested or worse killed?” she exclaimed.

He smiled at her, grabbed the vial and placed it on her hand.

“Like what Skinner said, you can kick my ass later after you got this in your neck”, he replied.


End file.
